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writing down my feelings

Posted on November 15, 2012 at 10:41 AM Comments comments (61)
Dear Sherod,
     These past few weeks have been very hard for me. Your baby sister turned 16, we are finally done moving into the new house and things are starting to settle down for me after almost 3 years of running. I am facing your passing after all this time. I have found I can not run anymore....I have no where else to run but through this emotion I call Hell.
   Sometime during the last few weeks of Sept. I got several notices about some of the kids that had past on that we have connected with over the Internet/face book ect. It seemed like every other day I was hearing the news of one more child that earned there wings. My heart was breaking more and more and reminding me of the last day we had with you. I just kept crying and praying for all those families and thinking Please God Be with them in there time of need.
  Loosing you at the age of 16 was hard. Then your baby sister turned heart just sank. I think I was afraid of her to turn 16....thinking how much longer would I have her. Although she is perfectly healthy that number just scares me.
  Then with your older brother being gone and off into the Military. Although very proud of your brother I am afraid of loosing him as well. I keep praying he will not have to go off to War.
  So now that I have just spilled my heart out about all that is bothering me I feel a little bit better. I have to say this writing your emotions downs does work.
    On another note I know you would be so proud to hear that more families are hearing about us and contacting us for help. You have truelly blessed me with a gift to keep on giving and helping others. It 's funny how things work out even in the worst of situations.
   I love you Sherod and miss you like crazy everyday.

A message from the Dino Doozer Foundation

Posted on September 26, 2012 at 9:51 PM Comments comments (47)
As I read the words from another Mother who is loosing her son to NF and Childhood Cancer I am reminded once again the pain that a parent goes through. My heart just breaks every time I hear about another child lost to Cancer. I have vowed along with the rest of the Board Members of the Dino Doozer Foundation that for every child who comes through this Foundation and earns there Angel wings we will purchase a Star in there Honor for there parents.
     A lot of people recognize Childhood Cancer Awareness during the month of Sept. But Childhood Cancer needs to recognized every day. As with every passing day children are dieing because we do not have a cure yet. And until a Cure is found we need to help make this place on earth as memorable for those Children and there families.
  The Dino Doozer Foundation recognizes this and  is here to support those who need help. Please if you know of a family in need....PLEASE CONTACT US BY PHONE ANY TIME DAY OR NIGHT.

    Childhood family should have to go through this on there own.


Posted on September 7, 2012 at 10:48 AM Comments comments (60)
19yrs ago today I gave birth to a baby boy named Sherod Don Nichols.  16 years later he lost his life to Cancer.
   I knew the minute he was born he would change my life forever...I just didn't know how.
   At the age of 14 he started his battle with Cancer. At the age of 15 he wanted to make a difference in peoples lives so he started a Foundation. At 16 he lost his life to Cancer, but not his will to fight. He continues to fight through all of us that Support the Dino Doozer Foundation. He continues to make a difference in this world each and every day.
   Through the Dino Doozer Foundation he continues to help others. He may have left this world but he did not leave our hearts.
         He is my son Sherod Don Nichols....He is my Hero
 I love you and miss you every day. Happy Birthday son and Thank You for making me the person I am today.
     Love always and forever

Just another Day

Posted on August 6, 2012 at 9:40 AM Comments comments (59)
Aug. 4, 2012 marked 4 years since I received the phone call that would change my life forever. I try not to remember this day as a bad day, but yet it is so hard not to. I try to remember it as Dino Doozers Birthday. The day I decided as a mother I would never give up.
     Time seems to have slipped away from me at times, but not a days goes by that I don't miss my son. I still find it very hard when people ask "so how many kids do you have" or when I see a family gathered around laughing and playing around. I wish I had this....I wish I had my family together again.
   People tell me that I am strong....I'm not strong by any mings. I'm just a mom who has other children to take care of and I have to do what I have to do to get through the day just like everyone els. Sherod was the strong one. No matter how hurt he was or how tired he gave his all everyday .... even his last day.
  Child loss is probably one of the hardest things in life as a parent. It leaves a void in your heart and in your sole. You have to deal with it every day and every night. You never get a break from it and it never goes away. I know I put a smile on my face and people think I'm doing just fine. When in reality I'm still crying every day and the pain is so great sometimes I can't bare it. So I tend to hide from it.
  I find that helping other families has really helped me, but at the same time I pray that there comes a time were someone will help me. I'm still very lost and very alone. I still hurt and simple things in life are just not so simple any more.
   I can say that I am a different woman from all my experience as a mother and a mother minus one. I Thank God every day that he gives me to continue to do what I do and for the ones who stand by me.

Your Graduation Year 2012

Posted on June 8, 2012 at 10:41 AM Comments comments (73)
Dear Sherod,
  This would have been your year to GRADUATE HIGH SCHOOL. As I get my things together to help other parents with there childes Graduation Party I can't help but feel left out. My heart breaks every time. I am very happy for those parents, but at the same time why can't I have you here with me so we can feel the same joy.
  The R.A. Long Senior Class will be honoring you this Sat. at Graduation. They will have a mini Dino Doozer sitting in your seat and the Class President Jordy Mertz and Dani Eggleston will be speaking on your behalf. I am happy to say the Class of 2012 never forgot you son, and I don't think they ever will.
 Even though I will not get to see you walking to get your Diploma I will still attend the Graduation Ceremony. I know you will be there in spirit as your Class Graduates.
 This is just another hill for me to climb over and I have to say this is a hard one.
   No one said Child loss was easy and I doubt they ever will.
I love you son and I am very proud of the fact that you made such a good impact on your Graduating Class.

Just a mom missing her son

Posted on March 20, 2012 at 10:21 AM Comments comments (258)
I went for a walk around the lake this last Sunday and it was snowing. It was the most spiritual walk I have been on in a while. The snow reminded me of your last night with was snowing like crazy Dec. 29, 2009.  Every time it snows I think its you telling me hello and as the flakes fall from the sky and land on my face I imagine its you giving me angel kisses from heaven.
 I miss you like crazy Sherod and lately my days feel like they are dragging on forever. The past few days it has been getting harder and harder for me to get out of bed. A big part of me just wants to hide under the covers and never come out, but I can't. I've made a promise to you and I will keep that promise forever. 
  On another note the 2nd Annual Masquerade Ball was a great success! So many people came out to Support us and when I showed them the video of you and all the kids at Camp....well I really think people are starting to understand what we are all about and how much you want to help kids.
   I know the snow will stop coming for a while because spring is here, but until it returns I will  remember last Sunday as the day we walked lake together and I will wait for that first snow fall so we can walk the lake once again.  
  I miss you Sherod and I can't wait for the day I finally get to hold you in my arms again .
                   I Love you Son
Love always and forever,
             Your mom

A Challenging Day

Posted on February 10, 2012 at 3:00 PM Comments comments (63)
Well today turned out to be an ok day. Yesterday was a little challenging. When someone asks me "so how many kids do you have". I still pause for a second and then I explain with "well I had 3 but lost one in Dec. 09 to cancer".  The response is usually the same "oh I didn't know I'm so sorry"...and you know  it's really ok, because how would know.  
   I guess we never  think about things like this until our child is no longer here, and then it becomes so difficult knowing what to say.
  I hear allot of my friends talk about what there kids are doing and how they are going to miss them when they go off to College or move away to another state for work or whatever it may be. I just sit back and think I wish I was having that kind of problem. Then I could still come visit you and talk with you on the phone. Even to hear your voice and for you to tell me your ok from time to time would be good enough sometimes....but your number doesn't show up on mommies phone anymore bud. I can't hear your voice and the only thing that tells me your ok is my faith in God and at times that is  even tested.
  I will never stop thinking about you and how things use to be with you here. I miss you every day and I know I have allot of work left here on Earth to do. I will fulfill your dreams of one day having a Foundation that will fund kids from around the world to go to a Camp like Camp Newfriends and we will find a Cure for NF and Childhood Cancer. I will not stop fighting for you and what we started together. We will fight this NF and Childhood Cancer into extinction.
  I love you Sherod and we all miss you
            Love always and Forever
                   Your Mom

Missing you

Posted on February 9, 2012 at 10:58 AM Comments comments (45)
No one said missing you was going to be easy, but my day to day living activities becoming harder for me to deal with now than they did when you were here.
   Everything reminds me of you and there are still days I want to crawl in your bed and snuggle with you, but your bed is not there and neither are you. I can't even explain the pain I feel at that time. It goes away for a short period but it comes back from time to time.
  Oh buddy Mommy misses you so much it hurts and I wish I could hold you right now.

The Start of the Empty Nest

Posted on January 27, 2012 at 10:25 AM Comments comments (69)
Dear Sherod,
    Things here have been so busy. Your Aunt Renee and I have been very busy getting things ready for the 2nd Annual March Masquerade Ball. This year we have some pretty cool Entertainment...I know you would really like him. He does an amazing Elton John Tribute.
  Then today is probably one of the biggest steps in the right direction for your brother. Last night he went to bed a young man ..... this morning he woke up a Soldier. Yep he is officially joining The United States Army today. I know there will be times were he is alone and afraid and when that happens, can you please find someway to please give your brother some comfort from above.
  I know he saw you as a Soldier fighting Cancer and he still sees you fighting through all of us including him everyday. Now he has chosen to fight for his Country and for that I have to say I am very proud of both of my boys!
  Your brother and I have had are ups and downs but what family doesn't. After you passed he didn't want to finish High School, but after 2 years he finally did it. Then he decides to to do this....oooh the house is becoming empty way to fast.
   Soon he will be off to Boot Camp then Tech. School and then off he goes. I miss waking up to you guys fighting about the remote control and the last bit of milk. I tell ya Handsome I would do anything to have those mornings again. I remember the morning when I came down stairs to a complete mess in my kitchen. You and Andrew made me breakfast on the kitchen floor...eggs,flour, sugar name it, if it was in your reach you guys had it on the floor. Oh I was so mad but at the same time I couldn't help but laugh because you guys looked so cute all floured up.
     I really miss you son I would love to wake up and find you in my kitchen....
  Well on another note your little sister is doing good in school. She starts track soon and she is growing up way to fast as well. I think she is worried about Andrew going into the Army and having to go off to War. Although she hasn't said anything to me I can see it in her eyes. The thought of loosing another brother worries her, but like me we will continue to think positive and keep those thoughts out of our mind. Honestly if I had to go through this again with your brother I don't know if I would have the strength. As it is it is hard enough getting through the day at times without your here.
   I love you Sherod and miss you every day.
Love always and forever your Mom


Posted on January 20, 2012 at 10:09 AM Comments comments (348)
Below I have copied the letter I sent to Andrew Becker. He is the Media Relation for the American Cancer Society.
       Childhood Cancer is NOT RARE...THE CURE IS 
Dear Mr. Andrew Becker,
                I am writing to you to let you know that I am or was a mother of 3 beautiful children at one time. I lost my son to Childhood Cancer
Dec. 29, 2009. Sherod fought his whole life with NF-1 and underwent multiple surgeries in his 16 years of life. On Aug. 4,2008 I received a phone call that changed our life forever. The Dr. told me that my son had Cancer.
  Childhood Cancer may seem “RARE” until you walk into a Children’s Hospital and have to stay with your child for weeks at a time on the Pediatric Oncology floor. At that time you replace the word “RARE” with “NORMAL”, because you have just began a new “NORMAL from here on out whatever the outcome may be.
  I know you have received a lot of hate mail….because of your comments. I don’t hate you, I just  know you don’t understand what it’s like to be in my shoes and I hope you never do.
  You are a Corporate Man and yes you have a heart. You have a wife a family and you go on vacations and you do family stuff and I’m sure you have lost something or someone at one time and know what that feels like. When it is your own Child it is so much different. Your world is turned upside down. At times you don’t even know if your coming or going or where you have been. Shoot I have to remind myself to get up every day and breath in and out still and get ready for work. I still run from the fact that my son has been gone for 2 years. I keep so busy sometimes I lose track of the days.
  You know when my son passed away I had several life insurance policies and I put it all into the Dino Doozer Foundation that he and I started together to help kids just like him. I didn’t go to Hawaii like I’ve always wanted. I didn’t buy anything for myself. I put it all into the Foundation to help kids I didn’t even know.
 Mr. Becker I have been through hell and back working sometimes up to 3 jobs while my kids were growing up and I missed a lot. When Sherod got sick I still had to work 40+ hrs a week and had small jobs on the side just to make ends meet because of the medical bills. In the last 4 years I on average sleep maybe 5 hrs a night on a good night because that’s what I’m use to. As a parent who has lost a child take it from me. A bald Barbie…Mattel can earn so much from this and those dolls would be flying off the shelves. The parents would be teaching them and talking to them about the meaning of this “Bald Barbie”. As far as money….hello Mattel could donate the money to different organizations just from the sales of those Barbie’s.  I hope you understand that a lot of people are talking about not raising money for the Relay for Life because of what you have said….My son enjoyed his one and only time going to the Relay for Life. I remember the day we walked the track together. I get luminaries every year just for him.
  Everyone makes mistakes Mr. Becker just make your mistakes right and let’s move on. Remember your not a bad man your just a man who made a mistake….everyone makes mistakes. Your only looked down upon if you refuse to fix what you did or said wrong.
   I run a very very small local Foundation in Longview Washington and I still work 2 jobs, and run the Dino Doozer Foundation. I make less than 35K a year. I now have 2 children and still raise awareness for NF and Childhood Cancer. I may not have the money you do Mr. Becker but I have a lot of HEART and that is what keeps me going. If you want a better understanding of what really goes on in my world please feel free to contact me at any time day or night.
  I have attached a picture of my youngest her name is Elizabeth. This is a picture of her next to her brothers grave. It snowed today for the first time in year and he isn’t here to go out and play in the snow with her because he was taken away by cancer…’s not as “rare” as you think.
   Thank you for taking your time to read my message to you. I hope you enjoy your day and please remember I don’t hate you and I don’t think you’re a bad person. I just think you need a chance to see things from a different point of view. You may want to speak with your wife and get her point of view on things and how she feels if she was in say my shoes. Let her read my blog on then ask her how she feels…her real feelings.